Dreary

Today is a dreary day…the weather is blah, my mood is blah, my kids are moody, I don’t want to cook, clean, fold laundry or do anything else that doesn’t include a hot bath by myself!

Want to know what made my day today?  Nina’s hair!  This is not the best picture of her but she is NOT photogenic so I take what I can get!  Today was her first ponytail and bow!!! Her little curls are so complimentary to her so I’m much more please with it than I thought I would be.  I’m not usually a huge fan of little tiny ponytails on top of a baby’s head…but hers just made my day today  She loves to walk around with her blanky draped behind her and her thumb in her mouth…she is just the sweetest thing.  Last night at dinner I gave her a lime with everybody watching and she made the funniest faces because it was so sour…we had a good laugh about it!

I miss my friends today.  If you still read my blog…I miss you.  You know who you are too.  It’s hard work making new friends and sometimes I’m just tired of trying.  Sometimes I feel like I’m trying so hard to make friends and I wonder why nobody is trying hard to be my friend?  Or maybe they are but I just don’t know it or I don’t see it? AH…I don’t know, but it’s a lonely process.  And why do we torture ourselves trying to make friends…I have my family, my husband, my sister, my mom, and my awesome besties here and there…what is that pull or desire to be liked?  I wish I had that attitude that I don’t give a crap…but I don’t unfortunately!  Growing up people told me I had a snob face and that I was intimidating…when I was pregnant with Drew my dad pulled me aside and told me I was too negative all the time…I changed that and made sure I was always aware of how people saw me and what I said to people about how I’m really feeling.  People don’t really want to know how miserable you are, they just ask to be nice!  I’ve worked at breaking that mold my entire life, yet somehow it continues to follow me around!  Of course people that know me realize I’m not a snob or grumpy, or intimidating for that matter…I’m just a little quiet or shy at first I guess?  I don’t know…I guess we’re always working on making ourselves better right?  But nevertheless we have this inner desire to be liked.  I have to remind myself that I have a wonderful support circle around me that is amazing and I’m so grateful for that!  I know that if I’m just myself and continue to reach out to others and be myself…those true friends will surface and there won’t be a question who they are.  Friends are so important.  They are the people we lean on in times of heartache or joy.  They keep us together when it’s hard and they laugh with us when it’s happy.  They accept us for who we are no matter what.  They never take offense because they know it was not intended.  They don’t care what kind of car you drive, or where you live.  They are cool like that!

I think everybody is trying to find their place…right?  Good thing I have my little kids to remind me what matters and what life is all about!!  My heart is sad for those in Moore, Oklahoma today who lost loved ones, especially kids, in the devastating tornado yesterday.  We have been on tornado watch all day today so a lot of people took their kids out of school early today to keep them home with them.  The storms have passed it seems now so it’s not so bad anymore, but I’m just so grateful that we are safe.